AvengersAperture Series 4: Holidays with the Odinsons
by GingerFloof26
Summary: Loki and Thor invite all their friends- and some rivals- to Asgard for the holidays, in order to prove that Loki has turned a new leaf. GLaDOS accepts the invitation in order to prove the same, but has she really done so? Perceived betrayal may lead to closer bonds, as the two discover. Rated M for strong language and some sex scenes.
1. Chapter 1

"So," Thor said, pressing his royal seal against the warm wax on the last invitation, "Do you really think that inviting our mortal friends over for the holidays is going to make them change their opinions of you, brother?"

"No, but it will be fun." Loki took the letter from Thor and stuck it in a satchel, already full to the top with invitations. "Tala says I need to be more social, and show people that I have changed, and since- even on Midgard- the winter months are a time for friendship and festivity I thought it would be the perfect time to show how far I have come."

Thor nodded and gave his brother a hug, he was proud to see him changing for the better, even if the change was slow. "Your heart is in the right place, Loki. We should take the letters to Heimdal, and he can make sure they are delivered."

The brothers, dressed in their warm winter clothes, made their way to Heimdall's post at the end of the Bifrost. Loki smiled as he handed off the satchel, feeling as though he was making the most of his second chance.

A sylvan sprite alighted on the ground before the doors of Aperture labs. The little sprite scratched her head in wonder. Could it be that the princes were actually sending an invitation for the holidays to such a derelict place? Shrugging off her feelings of apprehension, the sprite took to the air again and darted into the facility.

A beautiful voice caught the sprite's ear as she flew, "There you are..." it said. Before the sprite could react, a spray of bullets caught it in mid flight-the sprite disappeared back to it's home plane in a burst of light, and the heavy parchment envelope it was carrying dropped to the floor.

On the same plane, but far from the facility where the sylvan sprite met her end, a book imp scrambled through the vents of a top secret, S.H.I.E.L.D. facility. He had a stack of invitations clutched in his razor sharp teeth, and his only wish was to get them delivered so he could be released from the spell binding him to this plane. He found two of his targets in a laboratory, the kind of place where the book imp would feel at home.

He pulled two of the invitations out, and slid them through the vent, with such force to strike one of the men in the head with the letter. Laughing to himself, the book imp continued his search through the facility.

Stark rubbed the side of his head, "What the hell?"

Banner was already picking up the envelopes that had shot out of an air vent, "They've got our names on them."

"Weird, give me mine." Stark took the envelope and looked at the wax seal-it was deep crimson wax, with a complex seal bearing an eagle surmounting a rather familiar hammer. He broke the seal and pulled out the letter, he read it quickly and looked up at Banner, who was just finishing reading his own. Stark grinned, "Someone needs to teach Thor how to text."

Spike was curled up in bed, shaking miserably. The mane six were gathered around, all worried for the little dragon's health. Ever since they had met those strange ponies from "The far North", Spike had been in the best of moods-he had learned that pony-dragon relationships were not unheard of and the knowledge had stimulated him.

But, this morning he had fallen ill-his stomach was cramped and he could barely crawl out of bed. Twilight was worried sick about the poor creature. Spike moaned and sat up, "Ugh, I don't feel so...so good-" with that he belched a torrent of green flame, and carried on the magical fire were six heavy parchment envelopes, all addressed to the ponies already gathered in the library.

Meanwhile in Skyloft, Link was sleeping peacefully in his room when a Loftwing poked it's head through the window with a squawk. Link gave a yell, tumbled out of bed and hit the floor with a thump. The Loftwing spit out a letter onto the floor. Link blinked in puzzlement, feeling a sense of deja-vu. This was too much like the morning of the Wing Ceremony. He picked up the letter, fully expecting it to be another scolding from Zelda, but the seal was unfamiliar. Furthermore, it was addressed to Fi. What in the name of the Goddess?

Nonetheless, he took the letter and a few moments later was laying it on top of the pedestal next to the sword. Hylia only knew what business a sword had with a letter, but far be it from him to interfere.

Lucca sat morosely in her laboratory, twirling her screwdriver between her fingers. Her latest project wasn't going well. Suddenly the teleporter in the corner of her room sparked and fizzled. Going over to investigate she discovered a letter resting on the platform. Odd. She turned it over to look at the seal. Thor's hammer? Suddenly grinning, she tore open the letter. Her project could wait a couple more months.

Yuffie sat pouting in a corner of Turtle's Paradise. Once again she had managed to yoink a bottle of sake from the bar without a hitch, but none of the WRO was doing anything exciting for the holidays. Stealing random knickknacks and bottles of sake was getting boring, especially when no one cared anymore. Still, for old times sake...she had been meaning to take that sweepstakes poster down for years.

Idly turning the poster over in her hands, she discovered the back was covered in a flowing script. What was even weirder, there was an emblem down near the signature that looked like a massive hammer. And that signature...she was almost positive it read "Loki Odinson." She decided she'd better take a better look at this poster.

Minion noticed the piece of paper lying on the corridor's floor. "Hello there," Steve the Turret greeted her as she bent over to pick it up.

"Hello Steve. Don't even THINK of sniping my ass while my back is turned." Steve's metal supports quivered as he thought of the horrible torment awaiting him in Android Hell should GLaDOS ever find out her minion had been killed by one of his errant bullets.

Minion's eyes widened as she looked at the letter. Suddenly she was off and bolting down the corridor, yelling for GLaDOS. Steve's entire body began to shake with fear as visions of Android Hell swam before him. If Minion tripped and broke her neck... "I only killed the sprite!" the turret desperately called out.

"You really SHOULD learn to use the handheld dual portal device," GLaDOS remarked as her aide skidded to a halt in front of her. Minion refused to equip one, claiming that she was too uncoordinated and that shifts in gravity made her nauseous, and thus had to resort to running through the facility to get to wherever the android was located.

"Loki invited us to...to..." Minion gasped for breath

"Can't the man be bothered to use the Aperture trans-dimensional communicator?" GLaDOS reached out her hand for the letter and at the same time raised a floor panel to sitting height for Minion. She scanned the letter and groaned. "You humans and your seasonal celebrations. Don't you understand that there's Science to be done?" Then she spied Minion. The girl was giving her such a wounded, miserable puppy-dog look that for a moment GLaDOS wondered if someone she loved had died. Then she spoke.

"The holidays aren't about Science, Gladys. They're about celebrating the relationships we have with our family and friends. Think about what's happened to you this past year. Aren't we important to you? Aren't I important to you?"

GLaDOS's processors whirred. This past year she had gone from being an insane, homicidal monster to someone who, although snarky and sarcastic, had a successful career as a scientist. She had gone from having no one to having a family, friends, a rival, and even a...

She realised she was still staring at Minion, and that furthermore, that wasn't really what the girl was.

GLaDOS dropped the beakers she was holding. "Tell Orange and Blue that we're packing for two months. We're headed to Asgard."

Minon yawned and stirred in the nest of cables that suspended her from the ceiling. Loki had outdone himself this time, allowing GLaDOS to use an old observatory to house her chassis as well as coming along as her android analog. Now she was nestled in a sort of hammock on the back of the chassis, snuggled up to the humanoid robot. Both of the robots were drooping limpy in sleep, but that wouldn't last long. As soon as the smell of breakfast hit her olfactory sensors, android-DOS would be headed for the mead hall, along with a very eager Minion.

The cook here was simply superb. Everyone agreed. Even Fi, who wasn't normally inclined towards food, had to admit that "there (was) an 87% chance that every single one of us is going to put on a couple of pounds."

As the guests devoured the delightful and fattening Asgardian breakfast, Loki staggered into the mead hall with disheveled hair and a grin plastered to his face. "Morning, everyone," he said with a sarcastic turn of voice. "How did you all...sleep?"

He sat down next to Minion and loaded up a plate with eggs, sausages and other savories from the kitchens. He grinned at her- a sort of lopsided, still half-asleep grin- and muttered, "Morning, love, how's the tower treating you and GLaDOS?"

Minion, her mouth half-full of delicious noms, grinned back just as lopsidedly. "Oh, ish graat," she said around her mouthful of food. "Ish like 'ome away frum 'ome." She swallowed, and continued, "Only we get to sleep in as late as we want."

GLaDOS was licking grease off of her fingertips with all the delicacy of a cat. "I had no idea that extended rest periods could be so...rewarding," she remarked.

Loki cut his food into bite sized chunks and ate demurely compared to the other Asgardians. "Ahh, well, I love sleep. However, today begins the first part of the Harvest Festival-the tournament. Thor wants me to fight this year, and well-" he paused to eat a piece of sausage, thoroughly chewing it before continuing, "I thought, with my friends and my whole family here this year, why not?"

Loki ate another piece of sausage, and looked thoughtful. "I ought to go wake Jorg, he stayed up pretty late last night." He took another bite and then stood, wiping his mouth on a napkin. "Enjoy your meal, ladies."

"A Tournament!" exclaimed Minion excitedly from around another piece of bacon. "I haven't seen a Medieval tournament since I was a Sophomore in high school and the orchestra went to compete in California!"

"Then it wasn't really Medieval," corrected GLaDOS. "It was a re-enactment."

Yuffie, completely on another line of thought, mused "I wonder if they'll let me do some hand-to-hand combat? OOOHHHH, or maybe they'll have live monsters!" She leaped onto the table and began to throw punches at imaginary enemies, until she stepped in a plate of sausages and faceplanted inches from Fi's plate.

Fi, who was apparently thinking of something else entirely, sighed and said, "I wish I could participate too. However, the chances that a compatible swordsman will come along are close to 0%"

Lucca looked up from her plate quizzically. "I thought that whoever picked up a Wiimote Motion Sensor Plus and a copy of the game became your 'Master' by default?"

Fi answered, "I am bound to serve that person for the duration of the game. However, a true Master develops a bond with their sword, through the Link between their world and Hylia's."

Lucca glanced pointedly at Minion, who was absolutely rabid about Skyward Sword. "And you and her aren't sufficiently...bonded?"

"Oh no, that's not the problem at all." Fi smiled fondly at Minion. "She simply lacks the athletic ability and training that Link provided in the game."

Minion smiled sheepishly. "The only exercise I get is running around Aperture, and Gladys keeps making shortcuts for me even then."

"Ohh, I feel like I just came back in at an awkward time, everyone is blushing." Loki snickered behind his hand free hand. He was holding Jorg in the other, the boy was still wearing his soft woolen pyjamas and yawned openly at the assembled ladies. Loki looked at his son and whispered, "I think they're talking about kissing."

Jorg made a face, "Ugh, I hate kissing!"

Loki smirked and kissed Jorg on the cheek, putting him down at the bench. "Eat your breakfast, son, today I am fighting in the tournament."

Jorg poked at a heap of scrambled eggs, and muttered in a dark voice, "You're going to lose."

Loki sat next to the boy, "So, not even a vote of confidence from my own son? I'm not that bad with a sword."

"Yes you are," Thor said, walking into the mead hall. "You're terrible with a sword. The only way you could win is if you used trickery." Thor looked at the spread of food, "Hmm, did the cook not make any oatmeal? Hmm, I'm going to have to have a word with him."

Loki shook his head, "I promised you that I would win legitimately, and I will. No tricks, no illusions-just my skill versus my opponent's. Really, there aren't that many swordsmen in Asgard that could compete with me-"

Thor cleared his throat, "I was selected as your opponent, brother. You're going to lose."

"Told you so." Jorg muttered, cutting up a strip of bacon.

GLaDOS was formulating a better plan. She would need Jorg's help, of course, and she was sure Fi would be more than willing to be back in action again. However, Minion was probably not going to like it.

Loki grimaced and drank a cup of tea, "Well, I should go start preparing for the tournament. Tala said she would meet me at the tournament grounds." He ruffled Jorg's hair and stood up, "I guess I will see you this afternoon, brother." Loki left the mead hall, trying to keep his head up even though he was now dreading the afternoon's tournament.

Thor shrugged, "It was a random draw, I just feel that Loki and I are unlucky that we have to fight each other again."

Jorg was in full pout mode by now, but Auntie Gladys had a plan to make everything better. "Jorg, I know you must feel terrible about your father fighting Uncle Thor. Would you like to give him some help?"

"But Grandpa said it had to be a fair fight..." Jorg looked doubtful

"He said that so your dad wouldn't try any tricks. There's nothing to stop US from interfering."

Jorg seemed convinced. "What do you think we should do?"

GLaDOS began rapid-fire whispering into the young dragon's ear. His eyes grew wide with surprise and delight.

"Minion won't like it," he declared, frowning the tiniest bit.

"Leave that to me," GLaDOS winked.

A few minutes later, Minion was pinned to the wall and lip locked with the android. She murmured appreciatively as GLaDOS's fingers found their way into her hair and simultaneously began to massage her scalp and keep her head effectively in position. "You know," GLaDOS said through her external speakers as her chassis dangled lazily, observing the whole affair, "We could keep this up all Yule long if I wanted. There's just one little thing I need you to do..." Minion "Mmmhmmm!"-ed enthusiastically, so GLaDOS continued, "You are going to help Loki win this tournament."

By this time GLaDOS had the girl firmly in her grip under the guise of massaging her shoulders. Minion groggily replied, "Yes'm," and Gladys called, "You can come in now, Jorg."

"Is the kissing over?" Jorg walked in with a hand over his eyes.

"Sadly, yes," replied Minion. "So how are we going to do this?"

"Close your eyes." Instructed GLaDOS.

Jorg stared hard at the cover art of Skyward Sword, conjuring up Link as best he could in his minds eye. Carefully he let his magic shape Minion as close as he could to that form. Her muscles grew toned and firm, her ears became pointed, her clothes transformed into a green tunic with chainmail underneath. Finally it was done. Standing in front of Jorg was a female, red-headed Link. Or was it Minion in really good cosplay?

Minion opened her eyes. "Okay, what did you do?"

"Do a backflip," GLaDOS instructed.

"What kind of nonsense is this? I couldn't do that if I tried!"

"Just do it"

"Oh, you mean like THIS?" Minion asked sarcastically, throwing herself over backwards. To her surprise, muscle memory kicked in and she did a perfect back handspring.

"THE FUCK WAS THAT?!" exclaimed minion.

Jorg giggled and held up a mirror. Minion gaped. "Jorg, you are getting too good at this. I even have the earrings!"

"I always thought he was a bit androgynous," commented GLaDOS flippantly. "Come on, you two. Let's go find Fi."

Fi's room was fairly spartan. She didn't need much in the way of material things. Just a place to rest her weapon form, that was all. The silk cushion on the raised dais was a bit of overkill, if you asked her (Loki insisted on a Dais, he loved dais'). No, Fi didn't ask for much. All she wanted was to please her-

"M-Master?!" Minion blushed as the sword spirit gaped at her, taking in every inch with those huge, ever-staring eyes. Fi never stammered. She was always correct and precise. But then, Minion reflected, she never glomped female Links either.

Jorg giggled and groaned, "Ugh, more kissing. Auntie tell them to stop kissing, we have to save dad...he can't lose the fight, he just can't. Come on, we have to get to the arena before it is too late!"

Jorg lead the way through a secret tunnel that lead into the armory. Jorg pointed through a grate in the wall, "Look, there's mom and dad!"

Loki was sitting on a stool, he had his leather greaves and boots on, but had not yet put on his cuirass. Sweat covered his chest, and a fresh bruise stood out against his green serpent tattoo. Tala was wiping the sweat off his chest and he was simply staring at his longsword that was resting across his knees.

"I can't even beat you in training, how am I to beat my brother." He muttered, pushing Tala's hand off of his shoulder.

Tala kissed him on the cheek, "I hunt monsters for a living, lover, I don't really fight fair. And, I didn't pull any punches- your brother fights fair and will want to make a show of this, he will try to prolong the fight. You just need to let him waste his energy in the first half of the fight. Be patient, don't let him hit you, and strike when he is exhausted. You have superior speed and agility, you need to use that to your advantage- you can't beat him in strength."

Loki scowled and sheathed his sword on his belt. "Alright, help me get the rest of my armor on then. I'll try to do as you say, I'll just stay away from his blows and keep moving."

Tala nodded, "exactly." She helped him into the curaiss of the armor, buckling up the sides and clasping on his cloak. "What helmet do you want? I have your large helm and your cornet band. I would suggest the cornet over a leather helm, it will be lighter and you'll stay cooler."

Loki nodded and took the helmet/cornet combo from Tala. "Do you think Thor has been preparing this morning?"

"No," Tala said, shaking her head, "He was in the kitchens, berating the head cook. He was quite upset over the lack of oats at breakfast."

"Hmmm, maybe I should have made him oats and slipped him a sleeping draught. No one would really be surprised if he missed a fight with me," Loki laughed softly, pulling Tala against his side. "I guess you should go get Jorg dressed- I don't think he will want to miss the fight."

"He admires you, you know." Tala kissed his cheek, "He told me once that he wants to be just like you, though he swore me to secrecy."

"I don't want him to be like me though, I've made too many mistakes. I want him to be better than me." Loki shook his head and tightened his gauntlets. "I don't want him to be like me, I've been a fool and an ass."

"He won't have to make those mistakes, you said it yourself; you've already made your mistakes so he doesn't have to. That is why he needs you in his life." Tala smiled and kissed him firmly.

In the secret tunnel, Jorg groaned and buried his head in GLaDOS' clothing. "Ugh, mum and dad are kissing, and mum told my secret!"

Minion smiled wryly. "Parents are like that."

GLaDOS patted Jorg's head. "Why don't you run along to your room so that your father can help you get dressed? Then just come to the tournament and watch the fun. No one will suspect anything."

"Okay," Jorg nodded and began to jog off in the direction they had come.

GLaDOS, meanwhile, was busy using the mechanical implements stashed in hidden compartments of her body to remove the grate. Loki and Tala were gone. Minion dropped to the ground in a crouch and then caught GLaDOS as she fell from the hole. It was wonderful, really, being this strong. She could do all kinds of things now; maybe she could fight one-on-one with Yuffie, or learn street parkour, and she wouldn't be such a lightweight when it came to making lo-

WHACK! The blow knocked Minion back a couple of steps. She'd been hit by the flat of a longsword wielded by- GLaDOS?

"Time to prove your capabilities," GLaDOS said. "As your previous self you did a lot of 'feather-dusting' with your Wiimote. Lets see how you handle a real sword now!"

Minion's face became set in determination. She drew the Master Sword from it's sheath on her back and raised it skyward. The blade began to glow and hum as the sunlight struck it. With a yell she brought it down, sending a whirling beam of light that GLaDOS was barely able to counter in time.

GLaDOS knew better than to play with fire. "I b-believe this testing has been sufficient..." she stammered. "Go and make me proud."


	2. Chapter 2

After Jorg was dressed, Tala took him into the stands, where the royal family was sitting. Jorg jumped up into a seat next to his grandfather. "This is going to be fun! What happens if someone else starts fighting in the tourney, grandpa?"

"Such would be an offence punishable by imprisonment, or death, Jorgmander." Odin explained. He frowned at the boy, "Why do you ask? Surely you would not wish to face your uncle in combat, young prince."

Jorg bit his lower lip and shook his head, suddenly very worried for Auntie Gladys.

As the gates to the arena slid open, Loki could see his brother-thankfully carrying a simple longsword rather than Mjolnir-in his full battle dress. Tala was right, Thor was going to make a show out of this, and in doing so, he would wear himself out quickly. They both stepped onto the sand waving their swords above their heads at the audience; smiling broadly, Thor muttered at his brother, "Sorry about this, Loki, I really am."

Loki kept his grin and hissed, "You won't be too sorry when you wake up in the healer's tent!" And made a quick, feinting slash at Thor's midsection with his sword, causing the larger man to stagger backwards. The crowd booed and hissed, but Loki didn't care-he was in this to win.

Thor roared with laughter, "Good to see you back in the fighting spirit, little brother!" He charged forward, sword held above his head in both hands, and he brought it down on empty sand. Loki stood up from his dodging roll, and took another weak slash at Thor, this time aiming for his legs. His brother jumped back, avoiding the blow, but it still cost him as Loki shoulder checked Thor while running past him.

Loki smiled, the way things were going, and with how much energy Thor was investing in each blow, he would win this fight. In an entirely fair and legitimate fashion, he would win-it was something he was proud that Jorg would see.

Up in the stands, Jorg watched nervously, wishing he could warn Auntie Gladys, wishing he could tell her not to go through with the plan. But, he was also intrigued by the fight-his dad was winning, on his own. The crowd was cheering now with every feint and dodge he made, they roared with laughter as Thor staggered away from blow after blow. He was getting tired, and Loki in his lighter armor was out maneuvering every move his brother made.

GLaDOS pushed her way through the crowd to sit next to Jorg. "Your father is going to win this fight, Jorg, I know it."

Jorg looked up at her and said through a fake smile, "Yeah, and he's going to do it without any tricks. Totally honest. Fair and square."

GLaDOS raised an eyebrow. "But of course. He IS a man of his word, after all."

Jorg continued, "Because if anyone else wanted to fight in the tourney, that would be bad."

They watched as the fight between the two brothers grew more fierce, Thor was becoming infuriated by Loki's dodging, and Loki was getting cocky. Loki dodged a savage kick, and taunted his brother with another flourish of his longsword. Thor cursed and swung savagely-putting all of his waning strength behind the blow-and caught Loki in the gut with the flat of his sword. The god of mischief slammed into the wall of the arena, and slumped to the ground.

The arena was still, everyone waiting for whatever trick Loki had up his sleeve. No one could believe their eyes though. Odin was on his feet, trying to see if Loki still breathed, but from the stands, no one could tell. Thor stood panting in the center of the arena, still on guard, waiting for Loki to get to his feet-but Loki did not stir. Jorg began to sob softly into his hands-he was young, but he knew the effects of battle.

There was a quiet pause, though, as Loki shook his head and planted his sword in the sand to pull himself to his feet, The crowd roared in encouragement, and Loki staggered forward, sword held defiantly before him. Thor lowered his sword, and shook his head.

Loki snarled, and wiped the blood from his face, "I will win this, brother!"

Thor raised his sword, he would not back down from this fight either-if Loki would give it his all, then so would he. As they met again, swords clashing, there was a flash of green from the stands and Minion hit the sand with a roll, drawing the Master Sword as she stood in a fluid motion. The brothers broke from their melee, and Loki caught a glimpse of Minion and gasped. Thor, however, roared, "Is this some trick? Some scheme of yours, brother?"

"I swear on my life Thor, I did not plan this." Loki gasped, as Minion charged at his brother. He knew that the sword she wielded was powerful, and would swing the fight in her favor, regardless of Thor's skill. With a curse under his breath he charged Minion, and threw his leg out into her path. Instead of faceplanting like Loki expected, Minion rolled and caught herself. Loki replanned quickly and thrust his sword out, the flat of the blade pressing against her neck, impeding her progress. The crowd was silent, and they could all hear as Loki growled: "What are you doing here? This is my fight!"

"This is OUR fight. You have to win this. For Jorg." Minion shouted, dodging around the impeding sword.

Loki stepped back, the blood running down the side of his face making his snarl even more menacing. "This is MY fight, he is my son, and I will not have you sully my honor in his eyes!"

The stands were still silent as swords rang out in the arena. Loki slashed furiously at Minion, driving her back towards the wall with every blow. He was not trying to harm her, but in his enraged state, he was unsure how long he could hold back.

"You don't understand, I have to prove this to him!" He cursed, again and spun around, to deflect a blow from Thor with his blade.

"Well you damn well don't have to prove it by killing yourself!" hissed Minion. Loki dodged another one of Thor's blows and rolled across the sand, standing up next to the wall. He stopped for a moment to catch his breath

"I am not killing myself." He growled at Minion, wiping blood and sweat from his face. Thor was also in bad shape, Loki knew, and so he charged his brother again, scoring a thin slash across his brother's cheek and then spun away from his blow. "I know what I am doing!" he shouted, bringing his sword up again in an attempt to block Minion's blow with the Master Sword.

The steel in Loki's longsword, whether by chance or tampering, broke with the blow-leaving Loki lying on the sand with the point of the Master Sword inches from his face. Fi took that moment to speak up, "There is a 90% chance that a blow from the Master Sword could kill a god, Master."

"We are not here to kill anyone, Fi," Minion said, rolling her eyes. "Though I ought to beat him black and blue for being too prideful to accept my help when he needed it."

Loki reached up with a gloved fingertip, and pushed the sword away from his face. "Good job, Minion." And then laid back on the sand, "Looks like Thor won this one. Again"

Thor pointed his sword at Minion, "You cost me an honest fight, Minion, what do you have to say in your defense?"

"I thought I was coming to the aid of a friend. It appears I am sorely mistaken. I was...misguided."

Thor shook his head, "Did Loki plan to have you fight for him, or not?" Minion shook her head, and Thor continued, "So who put you up to this? Nevermind that, actually." Thor raised his voice to a shout for the crowd, "Loki and I will just have to finish this another time!"

Loki nodded, keeping his eyes closed. "Whatever you say brother, I'm just glad your Midgardian friends weren't here to see this."

"Actually they were. Stark and Banner arrived this morning, right after you left the mead hall." Thor said in a softer voice, sheathing his sword.

"Oh."

Thor helped his brother to his feet, "I'm sure they enjoyed the fight, you really made an effort to show how much you have changed, I especially liked you shouting about 'sullied honor' and 'fighting for your son'. I thought that was brilliant."

"I meant what I said," Loki managed, gritting his teeth against the pain, "I think you broke one of my ribs."

"Here," offered Minion, uncorking a jar. A red fairy flew out and twirled in spirals around Loki before disappearing. "It's the least I can do after screwing everything up."

As though things couldn't get any worse for Loki, Stark and Banner showed up in the arena at that moment, looking pleased as punch.

"Wow, that was a fun fight," Stark laughed, "you know, I never thought it would get much better than just seeing you get your ass kicked, Loki-but you got your ass whooped by an elf girl!"

Loki opened his mouth to protest, or explain Minion's magic sword, or the strange, yet familiar magic that lingered around her-but Stark continued. "I really think that maybe you should stick to something you're good at, like, well...you're good at getting your ass kicked, so keep it up, Loki."

Loki scowled and pulled free from Thor's steadying grasp, "I'm going to go talk to my son, I have to explain some things." He limped out of the arena, still grasping his injured chest.

Fi spoke up, "There is only a 15% chance that fairy magic will work on Jotun physiology, Master. Perhaps we should direct him to a healer."

Stark raised an eyebrow at Fi, "Weird. Thor, I really think that you made a mistake."

Thor crossed his arms across his chest, he was not used to mortals accusing him of mistakes. "How, pray tell, did I make a mistake, Stark?"

"I still don't think it is a good idea letting your brother raise a child. He's pretty much the least stable person I know, and I'm friends with the Hulk! It's a recipe for disaster, and I know that Loki talks about trying to be a good parent, but-let's face it, he's not a nice guy. You're going to end up with a heartbroken nephew when Loki decides he is done being a father."

Minion had heard enough. "I have to go..." she muttered, covering her streaming eyes with one hand as she pushed her way out of the arena.

Loki sat on the edge of his bed, struggling to pull his boot off. His rib burned, even after both the fairy and the healer's magic, and it was difficult to move. He gave up on the boot and lay back on his bed, feeling broken and sad. He had promised Jorg he would win, he had promised his son a fair fight and had broken both of those promises. He closed his eyes and tried to rest, wishing that the fight had just been a bad dream.

There was a quiet knock on his chamber door, he opened his eyes but did not sit up. "Come in."

Jorg pushed open the chamber door, eyes wide and rimmed with dried tears. "Dad, are you alright?"

"I am fine, Jorg. Come here," Loki patted the bed, and Jorg hopped up next to him. "I'm sorry I lost, Jorg, certain events were out of my control."

"I know." Jorg sniffled. "I made Minion strong to help you. I didn't want to see you lose."

Loki sat up, grunting in pain, "Why would you do that, Jorg? You said that you wanted to see a fair fight. You said you wanted me to win! So why would you do something to sabotage the fight?"

Jorg bit his lower lip, he didn't want Auntie Gladys to go to the dungeons for interfering with an arena match, but he also didn't want his father to be mad at him. "I just didn't want to see you lose, because I love you."

Loki stared at his son, the boy was on the brink of tears and if he bit his lip any harder, it would be bleeding. Loki felt angry with the boy, but couldn't blame him. He was trying to use trickery to get what he wanted, and until now, that was all Loki had ever taught him. "I am very upset with you, Jorg. Minion could have been badly hurt in the arena! You have caused a great deal of trouble that your uncle and I are going to have to clean up." Loki thought hard on what to say next, and finally settled on something he knew was simple, yet effective. "Effective immediately, you are grounded. I'm going to keep a spell on you that will prevent you from using your magic, and you are going to help your uncle, your grandfather and myself as penance. I hope you learn something from this Jorg, trickery and deceit have their time and place, and this was not either. Now, help me get my boots off, please." Loki laughed and exaggerated his struggle to reach his boot for Jorg's amusement.

Jorg sniffled and then giggled at his father's antics. "OK, dad, but at the next fight, will you promise to beat uncle Thor?"

Loki smiled, "I promise, but you had better hope that you have worked your debt to me, your uncle, and your grandpa off before the fight, or you won't be going to see it."

That evening, Loki had drug Jorg away from helping Thor clean his armor and into the kitchens. The main cooking fire was out, for the first time in even Loki's memory, and the staff was gone. But, Loki had promised to be a good host, so he was taking it upon himself to see to his guests, and Tala had informed him that she and a few other of the women were in need of drinks and snacks.

"Alright, Jorg, why don't you cut up some cheese and sausages-be careful with the knife-while I prepare the drinks." Loki instructed, lighting the cooking fire with a spell to light the room. Jorg cheerfully opened up the pantry and pulled out a selection of his favorite cheeses and cured meats. Loki tapped a keg labelled "Hefeweizen" and grabbed some lemons and a box of dried blackberries from the pantry. As he mixed the fruit into the beer, he asked Jorg: "So, how is being grounded, young man?"

Jorg stabbed a slice of cheese and ate it off the knife. "It's not bad, dad-I'm just doing the same stuff as I always did."

"But, no magic- also, after you're done here, you are going straight to bed." Loki informed him, and then took a sip of the mixture.

"Wait, What!?" Jorg squeaked in surprise, "but-but it's the first night of the harvest festival, Uncle Thor s-said they would be p-playing games and singing tonight-and I don't get to go?" Jorg looked to be on the brink of tears, by Asgard tradition, this was the first year he would be old enough to join the adults for the harvest games that were held after sundown.

"Indeed, Jorg. This is punishment for what you did this morning. It wouldn't be much of a punishment if you got to do everything you wanted." Loki poured the mixture into tall glasses, and then frosted them with a touch. "Now, thank you for helping with the snacks, go say goodnight to your grand parents and then straight to bed! I will be coming to check in five minutes, and I expect you to be asleep." Loki gave Jorg a gentle push to the door of the kitchen, then added, "Don't forget to brush your teeth, either!"

As Jorg Left, Loki balanced the tray of glasses in one hand, and the tray of neatly sliced meats and cheeses in the other. With careful grace, but a slight limp, he made his way down to Tala's sitting room where the ladies were meeting. He didn't know why, but he was sure that something was wrong, and that he would be emotionally out of his depth in the room. It made him glad that he had another appointment to check on Jorg-it would be a quick escape if things got too tense.

As Loki entered the room, he saw Minion- back to her normal self- sitting on a pile of cushions amid a scattering of used tissues. The rest of the women were sitting in a protective half circle around her, nodding sympathetically at whatever she was saying. Loki noticed that GLaDOS seemed to be missing. That was strange, the AI was usually so protective of her aide it was almost comedic. He decided that this might be worth listening to after all.

"I just feel so... so USED" Minon sobbed as Loki set down the trays on a nearby table. "She told me and Jorg that we were going to HELP Loki and I ended up making him look like an idiot in front of Stark and Banner. Stark doesn't even think he's fit to raise Jorg. Oh, and Jorg! He's being grounded for transforming me when it was all HER idea!" Minion went into a fresh round of bawling as Yuffie shoved the box of tissues toward her and Lucca patted her back.

"Sssshhh, it's okay. You can stay in my room tonight if you want," offered Lucca.

"Well I'm certainly not going back to sleep with that...that heartless machine," sniffled Minion.

"Someone oughta kick her ass!" declared Yuffie, jabbing at the air.

"Indeed." Loki agreed.

Suddenly all eyes were on him. "Did I say that aloud?"

Nods.

"Well, I agree with Lady Yuffie." Loki asserted, crossing his arms across his chest, and then wincing as his hand brushed up against his broken rib. "GLaDOS has abused both my trust and the innocence of my son!"

Tala stood up, slowly, her wings outstretched and her hands out-trying to calm Loki, "Lover, calm down, we know what happened-"

He scowled back at Tala, "She made him lie to me! Jorg has never lied to me, he trusts me with everything, except for his childish secrets. But, today, after the match he told me that it was all his idea!"

"He did?" gasped Yuffie. "That mechanical monster!"

Minion was pondering. "Loki, what's the worst punishment you've ever received?"

Loki was quick to answer. "Exile. Dad always thinks up the worst punishments."

"Then let's tell Odin what she's done." Minion nodded with finality.

Moments later a pajama-clad army of females and one angry god of mischief were demanding an audience with Odin

Odin was sitting in the mead hall, laughing heartily at a story his youngest son, Balder was telling. Thor spotted Loki and his angry mob before Odin, and his jaw dropped. "So, uhh, Loki... Looks like things are looking up for you."

"I-" Loki stammered, suddenly realizing how it must look, especially since Tala's pyjamas were quite revealing. "It's not what you think-"

"Really, Loki? You just hang out with all the girls around here? You know, I always got that vibe from you-its a wonder you actually ever had a son. but, I know some women like the more, ahh, effeminate men." Stark snorted into his ale.

"STFU, Stark," snarled Minion, "Or I'll see whether or not the Master Sword can cut through your armor."

"Thank you, Minion." Loki said, trying to keep his face neutral. "And anyway, I find that being kind to women has its, ahhh, benefits per say. Now, father, there is something that has come to my knowledge that you must know. Of course, you all saw the battle this morning, and I initially was told by my son that it was his doing, but it seems he was coerced into lying to me. Minion, would you please explain everything to his majesty?"

"Your Highness," Minion bowed, "GLaDOS convinced Jorg to use his magic on me to turn me into a warrior capable of using the Master Sword. She claimed that by doing so, I would be able to help Loki win the tournament and reclaim his honor. Instead, I brought shame upon your son and ruined the tournament. GLaDOS also apparently bullied Jorg into taking the blame for all of this, and he lied to Loki, saying that it was his idea to transform me."

Stark stared at Minion for a moment, then turned to Loki "Wait, what? That robot from the convention, she's turning your son against you? That's low." Stark grabbed a mug of ale and walked over to Loki, and offered him the mug. "I had no idea. No hard feelings, eh, Loki?"

"I'm not that cheap, Stark." Loki took the mug and drained the contents, steeling himself. "Father, I know I invited that soulless machine to Asgard, but, I made a mistake in doing so; and I ask you now, for a favor. I want you to exile GLaDOS from the nine realms. Send her somewhere where she cannot use the innocent as her tools any longer. Send her so far away that she cannot come back."

Minion was weeping openly now, wondering how she could have been so foolish as to trust the insane AI, and yet at the same time wishing there was some way that it could all be made better.

Odin simply nodded.

Well, that was anticlimactic.

Minion dragged herself slowly down the hall toward the observatory, not sure what she wanted or expected to see. Poking her head into the central chamber, she saw that it was empty. No lights, no sound. Kind of the way she felt.

An arm wrapped around her shoulders from behind. "Come on," said Lucca. "Let's get some sleep."

Meanwhile GLaDOS found herself similarly sensory deprived. It was one thing to not have security cameras mounted everywhere in Asgard, but it was another entirely to not see anything at all. Where was she? Why was she there? She hadn't even felt herself move.

A cold, male voice echoed around GLaDOS, "Welcome to the Infinite Testing Dungeon you are here due to your crimes against Asgard and the royal family. If you can reach the exit of the dungeon, you will receive a full pardon. If you have any questions, I- the dungeon master- will be here to answer them."

"Is this about the Tournament? No one got hurt- well, physically that is-"

"You betrayed the trust of your companions and rival. You must pay for that."

"Fine!" snapped GLaDOS. She hated being in the wrong. "What do I do?"

"In order to exit the Dungeon you must rescue a valued member of the castle staff."

"Who?"

"You will find out." Suddenly torches sprang to life, lighting the stone and mortar corridor. It seemed to go on forever. "Testing has begun."

Loki sat on the edge of his bed, wincing as Tala unwound his bandages. "I don't know if Jorg should stay grounded, or to pardon the boy. He did not come up with the idea, but he did not argue with it either. He lied to me and he did not tell us GLaDOS' scheme to begin with." Loki ranted. He paused long enough to undo his belt and stripped off his clothes, and pulled on his silk pyjama pants. "I made the same mistake-going along with another's plan because my emotions got the better of me- and that lead to the Tesseract incident."

Tala pulled Loki back onto the bed and rubbed his shoulders. "It was you he wronged with his choice, so it is up to you to decide when he is forgiven. Perhaps, you should tell him why it is such a delicate subject for you- tell him what happened between you and Thanos." Tala hugged him from behind.

"I had hoped to spare him that horror." Loki leaned into Tala and squeezed her hand.

Tala pushed his hair aside and kissed his neck, "if you do not tell him of your mistakes then how can he learn from them?"

"You're right. But, I believe a few more days grounded and without magic will help to reinforce my lesson." He twisted around to face her and pinned Tala down on the bed. "Now, I know I didn't win the tourney, but perhaps you could still give me the prize you promised me..."

The following morning, Loki and Tala- both disheveled and looking they didn't actually sleep a wink- wandered into the mead hall, to find Jorg and Thor serving breakfast to the assembled royal family and guests.

"What are you two doing?" Loki smirked as he took a seat and poured a cup of strong, black tea.

"Uncle Thor wanted me to help him train this morning, but we found out the cook was gone.". Jorg put a scoop of scrambled eggs on a plate in front of his mother and then a considerably larger scoop on Loki's plate. "So, I made eggs and toast and tea like mom taught me to make. And uncle made sausages and bacon and oatmeal. But I think my eggs are better."

Loki snagged a sausage from a tray and nibbled it tentatively. "I agree, the eggs are much better."

Tala elbowed him playfully, "You haven't even tried Jorg's eggs yet!"

"But, that sausage was terrible. You need to learn to cook, brother." Loki looked around. "How is Minion holding up?" He paused and then hung his head dramatically, "I actually feel bad about GLaDOS. I fear we all may have overreacted."

Odin spoke up, "She will be fine, my son, I sent her somewhere where she can be in her element. Somewhere where she can be of service to Asgard. I knew you were all over reacting in your decision. You, my son, were angry and in pain, Minion felt betrayed, and Tala...well, You're a dragon-it is your nature to get over protective and aggressive over your young." Tala snorted. Odin continued, "I sent GLaDOS somewhere where she will be safe, but she also has the opportunity to learn some valuable lessons, especially about the meaning of honor and family."

"So, you only banished her to placate me?" Loki scowled at his eggs, refusing to make eye contact with his father.

Odin smiled, he knew the signs of Loki retreating into his own mind all too well, and wanted to avoid that this holiday season. "No, I banished her because she interfered with an arena battle, abused the trust of my favorite grandson and her own friend, I cannot judge if her intentions were good, but I assume they were. I, however, did not send her somewhere 'from whence she could never return' like you asked."

"Wait, " Jorg squeaked, putting down the bowl of eggs he was carrying, "you banished Auntie Gladys? Ahh! No, you weren't supposed to know that she helped!"

Yuffie poked unenthusiastically at her eggs. "Minion was...kinda upset last night. She told us all what happened with you three yesterday. I think she was mad that you were taking all the blame when it was really Glady's fault. Speaking of Minion, where is she?"

Fi, who hadn't even accepted any food but was at the table due to common courtesy, informed everyone "There is a 90% chance she is still in bed. She and Lucca have not been alone together for some time. There is a 75% chance they will feel the need to engage in-"

"Yeeeeeaaahhh, not at the table, Fi," Yuffie flipped an egg off her fork and into the sword spirit's still open mouth, effectively stopping any further conversation.

"You mean that kissing stuff?" Jorg's face screwed up in disgust. "I thought she only did that with Auntie Gladys. But then she told on her..."

"Listen, kid, Minion was just mad that Gladys got you in trouble," Yuffie explained.

"Okay..." Jorg sniffled. "I just hope she comes to breakfast soon, or her eggs will get cold."

Minion however, was not coming to breakfast any time soon. She sighed and spread her legs wider to give Lucca better access. The warm, calloused hands felt wonderful down there, and Lucca's engineering fingers were deft and capable. It was just too bad that this was more of a "Sorry about what happened to you" sympathy-type sex than "Let's do something while while we wait, eh?" with an eyebrow waggle type. GLaDOS was definitely better at the latter. Not to mention she loved coming up with new ways to "experiment" on her "test subject." The AI knew she was sensitive and made the most of it. Her fingers could vibrate, as well as change temperature, shape, and even texture.

Wait just a damn minute, thought Minion. Am I comparing Lucca to GLaDOS in terms of who gives better sex? That isn't fair to either of them. Before her conscience could throw her into a further moral dilemma, however, Lucca began teasing her clit. She let out an involuntary moan.

"Feeling better?" Lucca purred, nuzzling Minion's neck. Minion "mmmhmmm" -ed in reply, then added a "but-" "No buts," Lucca admonished. "That's the whole point. For you to enjoy yourself. You deserve a bit of TLC after what you went through."

"It's just...Is it wrong for me to be missing GLaDOS at this moment?"

"Well, I was aiming to prevent that, but it's not WRONG, per se." Lucca removed her fingers and allowed Minion to concentrate. "I did make her promise to look after you in exchange for her reprogramming, after all."

"I know...I just feel like I'm failing you somehow."

"You feel like you're failing EVERYONE lately." Lucca nibbled Minion's ear and inserted her fingers again. "Why" stroke "don't" stroke "you just" stroke "enjoy this moment?"

"Only if..." gasp, shudder "you're enjoying it too."

"Oh, believe me, I AM." Lucca waggled an eyebrow.

Oh, so it was THAT kind of sex now.


	3. Chapter 3

GLaDOS was not happy in the least. Just how far did this corridor go? This was trying her patience. Suddenly it hit her. This was a test. It was TESTING her patience. Well, if that was all it required... "I could walk down this thing all day," she informed the Dungeon Master. "I have an infinite capacity for knowledge, you know. Perhaps I could write a novel in my head as I travel. One about Loki. And Tala. And..." She swallowed hard. "Jorg. You know what? Make this damn tunnel as long as you want. I'm not stopping until Jorg gets his Auntie back."

"So be it." The dungeon master intoned. As GLaDOS preceded down the corridor, the entire dungeon rearranged around her. Doors slid out of the floor, archways lead off into new, darkened corridors and the wailing shriek of some unknown creature echoed off the stone walls. "I have determined the limits of your patience, and as such I am now testing your will to survive. You are being hunted: Survive!"

Somewhere in the darkness behind GLaDOS, a creature began breaking down a wooden door. And the darkness seemed far more overwhelming.

Jorg, in the meantime, was in the armory-now that breakfast was done, he was to help Uncle Thor clean his armor, and weapons. The young boy was enamored with the weaponry on the walls, and as he cleaned Thor's arena sword. His eyes lingered on a pistol crossbow, and his want for it was enough that Thor felt pity on the boy. He took down the crossbow and Jorg gasped, turning away in a mixture of shame and shock.

"Here, Jorg," Thor handed the boy the crossbow

He gaped up at his uncle, "But...but I'm grounded, dad doesn't want me to-"

Thor held a finger to his lips, "I won't tell if you won't, Jorg. You've helped me quite a bit today, and I think you deserve a break. Let's put these swords away and then head down to the archery range. I'll teach you how to shoot this."

Jorg cheered, "Dad won't be mad about this?"

"Well, he might be, but you just leave him to me. He can't beat me." Thor grinned and ruffle the boy's hair.

"I don't like when you fight dad, Uncle Thor." Jorg pouted. "You have to be friends!"

Thor smiled-the boy was right, he and Loki should be friends, especially since Loki had come so far in trying to make up for all the things he had done. "Don't worry, Jorg, I promise that your father and I will be nice to each other, I love him too, you know. But, let's go and teach you how to shoot a crossbow."

Loki lay back in bed, the duvet pulled over his face. After this morning's breakfast he felt like a fool and an ass- again. Jorg had gone off cheerfully to help Thor, Tala had gone to respond to an emergency outside of the city, and he was left with his father, who proceeded to berate him about jumping to conclusions. Tomorrow was the day of the hunt for the feast, and Loki was tempted to claim he was sick.

But, he also knew that Jotun didn't catch Aesir diseases. And, stark and Banner were joining the hunt, and he wouldn't let them have another thing to mock him for. But, he couldn't bear to look at his father's disappointed face any more.

From under the blankets he heard the door to his chambers open, and an exhausted sigh. Tala sat down on the edge of the bed, and pulled off her boots, "So, did you enjoy your talk with your father?"

"No."

"Oh, was he really that mad?"

"He wasn't mad, he was just disappointed. I think it would be better if he were mad, I can handle that. I can't handle the disappointment. Was the emergency handled?"

Tala stood and unclasped the straps that held her tunic over her wings, and tossed the tunic onto a chair. "Of course it was. Just a couple of Drowners crawled out of a mill pond and were harassing the locals. I took them out, and the townsfolk tried to pay me-even after an hour's explanation of me doing this as a service to Asgard-I eventually passed it off as being a gift of the season." Tala pulled her pants off and tossed them over the same chair. She crawled into the bed next to Loki, who was still fully clothed. She kissed him on the cheek.

"Oh." Loki said, realising that she was naked. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. "Jorg is off helping my brother, no one is going to be around to bother us for a while..."

Tala's hands found his belt and unbuckled it, "Are you coming onto me?"

"No, absolutely not." He laughed and kissed her neck as she took off his pants. "I would never do anything so forward, my dear." He sat up and pulled off his overly complicated tunic. He rolled over on top of her, the scales that ran down her body between her breasts were rough on his bare skin. Loki slipped inside her, and she moaned in his ear-her wings gripped his back and pulled him closer to her body.

Steam rose from their bodies as fire and ice met, and Loki thrust harder, making Tala spasm and scream beneath him. The claws on her wings cut thin lacerations on his back and made him moan in pleasure. He wouldn't last much longer, but he was going to make the most of this.

Jorg had pinched his hand quite badly with a misfire of the crossbow, and after Thor had kissed his hand better, the boy had demanded to go back to his mother. They walked through the palace together, Jorg holding his injured hand delicately. As they entered the living wing, they were waylaid by Stark and Banner, who were examining something Dr. Banner was holding in a small wooden box.

"Your sister-in-law is weird, Thor." Stark said. "She showed up, covered in blood and gave Banner this box, saying it was of scientific interest, and then she said she was going to bed."

Banner poked the misshapen lump of flesh in the box, "I don't even know what this is, let alone how it is of scientific interest."

"That's a drowner brain," Jorg said with a smile. "You can extract the Aether and Albedo to make potions that can cure poisoning from any source." He sounded like a textbook, reciting the facts to Stark and Banner. "I am sure you could use the potion to prevent your gamma radiation metamorphosis."

Stark and Banner both blinked in surprise at the boy, Banner pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, "How do you know this?"

"Mom was teaching me the 'trade', so I had to memorize uses of monster parts and alchemical formulas while she was out hunting. I could make the potion for you, but I would need the root of an Echinops." Jorg volunteered, still clutching his injured hand. "I think mom may have some, and I have to tell her about my hand so she won't get mad."

"Alright, I'd love to see how these potions are made. Come and talk to me after you are done talking to your mom." Banner said, suddenly tempted to ruffle Jorg's hair. It was like a curse on the boy, every adult who met him was drawn to ruffle his hair.

Thor and Jorg continued to Loki's room, and Thor pushed the door open for Jorg.

Loki was still enjoying himself, Tala was moaning under him, and he was feeling much better. He was on the verge of finishing when the door was pushed open behind him, and he heard Thor shout something and slam the door.

The shock caused him to finish unexpectedly, and he slumped forward, exhausted. "Ugh, did my brother really just walk in on us?"

Tala covered her face with her hand, "Not just Thor, Jorg was with him and I think he saw everything."

"Oh," Loki rolled off of her and pulled the blanket over his head.

"Oh? That's all you have to say? Jorg could be scarred by this!" Tala sat up and found her pants and shirt.

"Don't worry about it. He's fine, it's quite normal for children to accidentally walk in on stuff like this. I'm surprised he has gone so long without doing so." Loki said, pulling the blanket back and sitting up against the headboard.

Tala pulled her clothes on, buckling the chains over her wings. "And, comparatively, how many times did you walk in on your parents compared to the times Thor did?"

"I never asked him how many times, but I'm sure he was far more oblivious than I compared by all the screams of anguish I heard in my youth." Loki rummaged through the sheets and found his pants. "If you're really this upset then we can go speak to him about it and just explain. If the boy is ready to kill monsters then he is ready to know the truth about certain things."

"Uncle Thor! Let me go, I gotta' go talk to dad!" Jorg protested.

"He's very busy right now, Jorg, you can't go in there." Thor put his hand on Jorg's shoulder, holding the boy back. Stark and Banner saw the commotion and walked over.

"What's going on?" Stark asked with a look of confusion.

Thor furrowed his brow, "Loki and Tala are... uhh... a bit busy."

"Oh." Banner said, "why don't you come show me how to make that potion you were talking about."

"But-"

Banner crouched down to be at eye level with Loki's son, "I think it would be best, your mom and dad were very busy."

Loki chose that moment to step out of the bedroom, he had found a black tunic and was buckling his gold belt around his waist as he walked out. "What's going on?"

Thor blushed a little, "I...uhh..."

"I know, trust me, I heard." Loki did his best to pointedly ignore Thor and his friends, "Jorg, what happened to your hand?"

"Uncle Thor was teaching me how to shoot a crossbow. He said I needed to take a break from chores. And, I pinched my hand on the string." He held up his bruised hand, a large blood-blister stood out on one of his fingers. Loki winced dramatically.

"That looks bad, come on-let's go and get you a bandage and a cup of tea." He picked the boy up and held him up to face height.

"Where's mum?"

"She's getting changed into clean clothes, the hunt was rather messy." Loki kissed his son on the forehead and walked away without another word to the other men standing around.

Tala stepped out of the bedroom, "I'm going to go see if Minion is alright. Can you three keep an eye on Loki, he's having a bad day."

"Oh, so that's what you call it here in Asgard? Having a bad day? Well, in Midgard we call it a nooner." Stark snorted.

Tala's tail slashed the air in annoyance, "Stark, why don't you put your money where your mouth is?"

Stark put his hands in the air defensively. He hadn't been in front of an angry dragon before, "What are you talking about?"

"Ever since you arrived you've mocked my lover mercilessly. So, I am challenging you."

"Wait, he needs his woman to come and intimidate me? This actually just reaffirms my theory about him." Stark snorted.

Tala hissed, "This has nothing to do with him- He doesn't give a shit about what you think and you should have realized this by now. I want you to prove yourself, tomorrow morning is the Harvest hunt for the feast-I challenge you to a hunt, a test of skill. The harvest hunt is already a competition, whoever catches the biggest game animal for the feast is crowned 'Lord of the Hunt'-If you win that title, I will drop the issue with you; but, if I win, you will apologize to Loki and also to my son."

Thor opened his mouth to protest, but Stark already held his hand out to shake Tala's. "You're on, Tala. You probably haven't heard though, but I am Iron Man, and I think I may have a distinct advantage."

"Stark, I've been hunting since... well, I've been hunting for a long damn time."

Thor spoke up, "Tala, Stark, I think the Harvest Hunt and Feast may actually be cancelled. The cook and the entire kitchen staff are missing." Thor shook his head, "Jorg and I looked through the palace for them, but there is no sign of them. Though Jorg said he felt a strange magic in their quarters-he said that someone had used teleportation magic."

GLaDOS was wishing she had teleportation magic at her disposal at that moment. Whatever was following her had broken through the wooden door and was now making it's way down the corridor behind her. Here in the dungeon, neurotoxin was not an option, and there were no turrets to come to her aid. She couldn't use crushers, thermal discouragement beams, or pools of acid; NOTHING from the enrichment center was available to her here.

She was helpless.

And with this realization came terror.

She bolted pell-mell into the nearest room. Inside, there was nothing except an empty wardrobe. She flung herself into it and pulled the door closed. It was dark. Awfully dark. What was that noise? Were her teeth actually chattering? Thank God they were made of high-density ceramic instead of enamel and bloody pulp. She almost laughed at the thought. Oh dear, she was losing her mind.

Just then, the most hideous thing she had ever seen shuffled into the room. She had called humans fat, smelly, and disgusting before, but now she took it all back. THIS was the epitome of fat, smelly, and disgusting. She averted her eyes and tried not to gag. Her own simulated breathing seemed obnoxiously loud in the small space she was in so she shut it off. It was a mistake. Now she could hear every squishing noise the creature made as it moved. It took every shred of her will not to retch.

Think of something nice, she told herself. Something safe and non-threatening and innocent...  
What came to mind was a similar situation, but with a different creature waiting outside her private prison of fear. She'd gone "Rattman," scribbling on the walls in a furious effort to eradicate the thoughts that were plaguing her unstable systems, when the girl with the red hair had entered Aperture. The girl that had helped ease the guilt. The girl that became her Minion.

GLaDOS realized that the room was in utter silence. No breathing, no squelching, no chattering teeth. She peeked through the crack between the wardrobe doors. The monster was gone. It was time she left, too.

GlaDOS crept along silently through the maze of rooms, not breathing, her usually bright yellow optics dimmed and set to night vision. Minion had given her a second lease on life that day, and she was going to take it and get the hell out of this dungeon.

Having successfully navigated to the end of the maze, she saw a bright glow, as though from a fire. Coming closer, she saw that it really was a fire, and not only that, but a group of humanoids was gathered around it. They had not tried to attack her, and in fact, seemed pretty scared themselves, so she deemed it wise to announce her presence and see if they were the staff she was supposed to rescue.

She began to breathe again, and slowly brought her optics back to their full brightness. A few of the more alert ones noticed and alerted their neighbors, who all rose to crouches with improvised weapons in their hands. Slowly GLaDOS moved into the firelight, with her hands held palms up and open to show she was unarmed.

One of the humanoids stood up, he was a fat, greasy Aesir with a scraggly beard. "You! You're that odd machine that the prince's invited to Asgard!" He put his hand to his forehead, "don't tell me that bastard lured you here as well."

GLaDOS was puzzled. "I wasn't 'lured' in here so much as just 'dumped on my shiny metal ass.'"

Radwaz scratched his balding head, "Well, so you didn't see the strange man that offered us better employment? He came in, said he heard our complaints about those royal Pricks...sorry, Princes... and said he had a palace we could work in for better wages and less complaints. Turns out, he sent us to this demon-ridden mansion, and we're asked to cook corpses for those monsters that roam the building."

GLaDOS shuddered. "All I know is that the Dungeon Master said I was here to rescue some of the palace staff, and to be tested. If I pass the test, we can all get out of here. So far I've had my patience and will to survive tested. I wonder what's next?"

The head cook barked a laugh, "Get out? As in, go back to Asgard where we will be bullied by those asses again? Not bloody likely, see, if it's a choice between here and Asgard, I think I am staying right here. No offense, love, but you don't know the half of the misery we've been through cooking for the royal brats. And now, the worst of 'em has a son! And he's just as bad as his father!"

"You mean Jorg?" gasped GLaDOS. "But the boy is the soul of squeeness! He even managed to melt my cold, metal heart. And I admit his father can be a royal pain sometimes, but really, he HAS managed to turn over a new leaf when you consider he was ready to take over a defenseless planet not too long ago. And Thor-! I can't believe you're finding fault with the voice of reason in the group! Honestly, do you KNOW how many disasters he has prevented?"

The cook snorted, "Yeah, right, damn nob that you are, of course the royal pricks would like you. See, we're all common folk, and to them we're less than dirt. Here, as long as we avoid the corridors and toss a cooked body down the pit, we're left alone. We go back to Asgard, we'll have nothing but trouble. I doubt they would even guess that we'd be punished for being kidnapped!" He crossed his arms and jabbed a fat finger at GLaDOS, "this is what we call a difference of perspective."

"The perspective of a man with his head up his arse!" snapped GLaDOS. "Have you HEARD Thor talk about the rights of the common folk? How all should be treated with respect, especially those who serve? It's almost sickening, really. He's even gotten to me and his brother. I treat my Minion MUCH better now, and Loki hasn't pulled a prank on the staff in months. I'm pretty sure I even heard him tell off Jorg for teasing the boy who supplies his quills and ink for his studies."

The fat man gaped for a second, and then shook his jowly head. "And, a few years of kindness is supposed to excuse millennia of abuse?"

"I thought this was supposed to be a time of forgiveness and bonding for you people. Or is a few millennia of tradition not enough to honor a new year of kindness?" GLaDOS quirked an eyebrow.

Radwaz grimaced, "You think I'm going to come back just because of the holidays?"

"I think you're going to come back because people love you and need your talents. And because you're painting this blacker than it really is. Believe me, I know the color black. Most of my chassis is black."

The cook sighed, "I think maybe you are right. Perhaps the bastard that brought us here swayed our opinions with his honeyed words. But, how can we leave? This place is a rat trap-one way in and no way out."

The Dungeon Master spoke up again, his voice echoing through the room. "There is a way, though it is difficult. You must find your path through the darkness, and guide the staff through the maze. But, be warned, the maze is the home of a creature-the stalker in the darkness, the tall man in a suit-it is the lair of the Slenderman."

The rest of the staff quailed, but GLaDOS simply rolled her eyes. "That old internet meme? I'll tell him where he can stick his $20."

The staff gasped, and someone giggled but was quickly shushed into silence. GLaDOS lit her optics to full brilliance, letting them sweep the corridor ahead like a pair of roving headlights. "All of you, make whatever torches you can. We're getting out of here."

A few moments later, they found their first paper. A tiny gnome ran up to GLaDOS holding it at approximately knee-height. She bent down to look at it. "'Run.'" she read. "Am I also to assume this-" she jabbed a finger at a stick figure in the center of the paper, "Is the fearsome Slenderman?" With a snort, GLaDOS crumpled the paper into a ball and was about to incinerate it with the help of Radwaz's torch when there was a gust of wind from behind them, accompanied by an eerie moan. There was a pause. "Let's move on, shall we?" GLaDOS asked the shaken group.

Four papers later, the group was arguing about which direction to go next, when suddenly there was a shriek from one of the female staff members. "He's there!" "WHERE?" yelled nearly everyone else, wildly looking around. Panic began to ensue as a high pitched whine echoed through the chamber.

GLaDOS did the first thing that came to mind. "Hey, over here!" she yelled, and began to do an improvised dance routine while she sang "Still Alive." The staff's attention turned to the dancing robot with the pretty voice, who was singing a lot of nonsense about cake and guns and science. The whining faded as Slenderman's thunder was stolen, and everyone calmed down.

"See? All you have to do is ignore him and he goes away," said GLaDOS, once the group was pacified. Suddenly an idea struck her. "You people sing carols this time of year, right? Well, let's carol Slenderman. I'll teach you the words. Eyes on me, everyone! This was a triumph..."

The gnome found another page, and still singing, pressed it into GLaDOS's hand. "It's hard to overstate my satisfaction..."

Slender, truly panicked now, began to teleport all around the group. There were little shrieks, but GLaDOS would fix her bright optics on the perpetrators, accompanied by what she hoped was an equally bright smile, and the singing would continue.

Eight pages later, the group was simply roaring, "AND BELIEVE ME, I AM STILL ALIVE!" when they smacked into a door that GLaDOS was positive hadn't been there before. Opening the door, GLaDOS and the kitchen staff proclaimed their livelihood for the entire palace garden to hear at the top of their voices.

They were indeed, still alive.

A cold, misty morning found the hunters of Asgard standing at the tree line of the hunting preserve. Stark had expected to see guns or crossbows, but instead the hunters had brought boar spears and great swords, and Tala had a sickle on a chain and a longsword. She would have looked menacing if it weren't for the ceramic blue mug of hot tea that her son had brought her.

She sipped the tea and smiled at Stark, "You look cold, maybe you should have brought a coat, instead that ridiculous armor."

"It's climate controlled." Stark intoned.

"Really? How interesting. Well, I would be wary of the creatures in these woods, some of the more intelligent ones have the ability to warp metal and shatter wood. I would also to advise you to stay away from any bodies of water-I do not know how much air your suit can provide, but the drowners and kelpies are known to hold bodies underwater for days." Tala took a sip of tea, "I'm not trying to scare you, just offering some friendly advice." She handed Jorg back the mug, and took her helmet from the boy. It was a simple black leather helm with copper band around the top.

"Well, thanks for the advice. Where's Loki?"

Tala tightened a buckle on her bracer and checked her sword. "He is controlling the scrying in the palace, those who are not joining the hunt still like to watch. His mother and brother Balder in particular; they are not hunters, but they still enjoy the show. Too bad for them, Hunters of The Guild carry anti-scrying charms on our armor, they will miss out on my victorious hunt, but for a mug of mead I will tell the tale tonight at the feast."

Stark laughed, her jaunty optimism was starting to grow on him, "well, don't count on a victory just yet. It may be that neither of us win, and in that case-"

"In that case the mead is on me tonight." Tala laughed. A pair of squires approached, putting reins into Stark and Tala's hands, she laughed at him and swung onto her blood colored stallion, the horse balked at the sight of her wings. Stark looked at his horse and tried to hand the reins back to the squire, but the boy refused to take them. "It's tradition, Stark, you're going to have to at least ride into the preserve. Once you are past the tree line and out of sight you can dismount, but keep in mind that you're still going to be seen and there might be some who argue with your methods."

Stark clambered onto the horse, and then looked back at the dragoness as she gave a farewell to her son. "I thought the mead was free."

"After the wager we made in front of Thor, he'll probably kick us out of the palace if we lose." Tala laughed. Jorg backed away from the horse, as a horn sounded in the mist. The hunters charged into the woods at break-neck speed. As the dust settled, Stark found his horse still standing still, and Jorg giggling softly behind his mitten.

"You're supposed to go into the woods, Mr. Stark."

Tala dismounted once she was finally deep enough in the woods that no one would notice. She hobbled her horse in a clearing and left him to graze lazily and climbed up a sturdy oak tree. She was lucky-the tree's canopy towered above the rest of the old growth and she was able to see most of the preserve. From this vantage she saw what she was looking for, a break in the trees that meant a large body of water. If luck was on her side she could reach the lake before her quarry went back into torpor for the day.

She leapt from the canopy and glided to another old growth oak, below her, she could hear the sounds of the hunters. The cry of a boar, the stampeding of stags through the underbrush, and the roar of hunters on their quarry. She ignored those sounds and focused on one more subtle as she glided closer to the lake, a thrashing in the water of the icy lake. Another short glide brought her to a tree overlooking the water, and she could see the large, sleek profile of her prey circling in the center of the lake.

A crackling of lighting and the crash of a falling tree told Tala that Thor was having no luck, and may have just thrown a tantrum of godly proportions. She also heard the mechanical whine of Stark's suit in the forest-so far, though, she was the closest hunter to the lake. With one final leap, she drew her weapons and dove into the icy water.

Her quarry swam at her immediately, it was what she had counted on, it's massive maw gaping at her. Razor sharp teeth flashed past her face, and she caught the corner of the fish's bone plated mouth with her sickle. The creature's strength pulled her through the water, and she drove her longsword into the monster's side as it pulled her deeper. The icy water stung her skin, and her lungs were starting to burn for air. Blood darkened the water around her as she spread her wings to pull herself to the surface.

The air tasted sweet, and the beast thrashed against her sickle and sword-only serving to drive the blade deeper. She hauled the beast on shore and pulled the sword from its side and drove it behind the armor plated gills on the creature's head. Easily over two thousand pounds of fish, Tala slumped down next to the carcass, knowing she would have to butcher it in the field. Tala pulled a flask off her belt, and took a swig of Asgardian whisky, the fluid warmed her freezing hands and feet. She knew that Odin and his retinue would come to the lake for lunch, and she would be here-napping with her winning fish.

Odin and his retinue did arrive at lunchtime, each hunter had brought their catch with them-to brag about their prizes. Thor had a monstrous boar on a sledge behind his horse, Odin had taken a monstrous stag, and Stark had managed to bring down an elk-the men were happily joking about their prizes, at least until they saw Tala.

She was sitting next to the fish, keeping the meat fresh with chunks of ice from the lake, and writing in the leather bound book she always kept on her belt. The fish was monstrous, possibly larger than Odin's chariot, and the bony plates on it's head gleamed in the cold autumn light.

Tala smiled at them as they approached, standing slowly as her joints protested in the cold. "Well, have any of the other hunters fared as well as you?"

"No, not as much." Odin said, his eyes still lingering on the monster she had drug from the lake. "What is that creature? I have never seen such before."

"The Guild calls them Ironheads, the plates on their head and neck are impossible to pierce by any known means. But the flesh back from the plates is as tender as any other fish's-I've never killed one before, but last year I saw sign of the beast during the feast hunt and I thought it would make a good meal."

Stark flipped his visor up, "so, this is why you told me to stay away from the water. Friendly advice my ass."

Tala laughed, "Oh no, this thing would have cut you in half with a single bite, and my warnings were legitimate. Though, you avoiding water did give me necessary privacy to catch the beast before it went into torpor. They are strictly nocturnal creatures."

Thor laughed and held a hand out to Tala, "looks like you are to be Lord of the Hunt this year. Though we barely stood a chance against a guild hunter. I wonder how those at home enjoyed the show."

"They didn't see anything, my armor is enchanted so I cannot be scryed. It's a safety feature."

Tala took another swig from her flask.

Thor broke into a broad smile, "Oh, Loki knew all about that, so he wove his spell to be able to scry you. I'm sure he enjoyed watching you catch a fish." Thor clapped her on the shoulder, though she was frowning. He gave her half a hug, "It's alright, it's only Loki who knows how to do it."

"But if he has learned to break the enchantments, then others have as well." Tala sighed, and looked back at her fish. It was worth it, and Thor was right-it would be unlikely that any one else would break the spells.

They had lunch together, and Odin sent one of the other hunters back to Asgard for an oxcart, for he wished to see the entire monster of a fish served at the feast. Once back in the city proper, Tala took her time to gloat over Stark before going to have a word with Loki about not violating Guild secrets.

Minion was in the mead hall, nibbling a muffin and sipping cocoa, when the hunters came back. She had refused to watch the scrying, saying that watching animals being chased down and cut open made her ill. Now the sound of laughter and chatter was moving ever closer...along with the smell of fish. Minon pushed away the muffin and cocoa, and moved down the hall on autopilot. She really regretted the way she had spoken about GLaDOS last night. Although she had felt betrayed, that didn't mean she had to do any back-stabbing herself. Wasn't that exactly what she had been trying to teach her villain NOT to do? The holidays were going to be horrible if she spent them in this kind of mood...No GLaDOS, no kitchen staff, no feast...

She found that she had, completely by accident, wandered into the observatory. This was no good, there was nothing to do but turn around and-

A cable wrapped around her waist and hoisted her into the air. She yelled in surprise and began to thrash in panic until a sunshine-bright optic shone in her face and she heard that familiar voice say, "Looks like you found me. Congratulations. Because it was absolutely worth it."

With that the entire chassis lowered from the ceiling and coiled around her like a snake as the cable set her gently on the floor. From within the chassis emerged a very tired and bedraggled-looking android, who was hit by a human missile and once again "Dumped onto (her) shiny metal ass." Both began stammering apologies at the same time, then reassuring the other that it was really okay simultaneously, and finally just settled for snuggling like there was no tomorrow.

"You know," drawled Minion, who was almost delirious from having her hair stroked, "I'd tell you that we have to get up and go to the feast, but the kitchen staff has been missing for a while now. I dunno what they plan to do with that horrible fish. Nothing that could make me want to eat it, anyway."

"Speaking of the kitchen staff..." began GLaDOS "They've returned. I'll tell you the whole story while we get ready for the feast."

Minion ran her fingers through her short hair. "There. Ready," she quipped and made a duckface.

GLaDOS swatted her. "What about me? And that's not at all what I had in mind for you to wear."

"Oh?" inquired Minion. "What exactly DID you have in mind?"

"This." GLaDOS held up a sleeveless, form-fitting teal dress with a skirt that made Minion blush.

"That shows an awful lot of skin..." she squeaked.

"Wait until you see what I'm wearing." GLaDOS grinned impishly as Minion turned an even brighter shade of red.


	4. Chapter 4

The mead hall was in absolute and utter chaos. Every possible ally that Loki and GLaDOS had ever made crammed it to near capacity. The mane six and Spike were going into culture shock from learning that humans were, indeed, real, while Zelda begged Link not to demonstrate his sword-fighting skills on the table. The corrupted cores were, for the most part, intrigued by the mayhem, with the exception of Space Core, who kept raving about being on another planet...in SPAAACCCEEE! Orange and Blue started a quest with Chell to see what surfaces in the hall could sustain portals, resulting in some rather ridiculous hijinks involving Wheatley and the laws of physics.

And that was BEFORE the meal got started.

Everyone agreed that it was the best thing they had ever tasted, to Radwaz's delight. He had outdone himself and even made edible floral arrangements for the ponies, which they gulped down with delight. Even Spike's dietary needs were not overlooked, and a rare rich green emerald had been procured for his main course.

And the fish! Minion could not believe that she was not only eating fish, but ENJOYING it as well. She had no idea what was in the sauce, but it was creamy and savory, spicy yet sweet, rich but not too filling. She felt that she would never get enough of the stuff, but there was SO much more to be enjoyed. Rolls, soups, various vegetables, including winter squash and- to the horror of GLaDOS and Chell- potatoes; mashed, baked, stewed and boiled, as well as steamed, fried and herbed. Loki took great delight in making sure some variety or the other showed up on GLaDOS's plate throughout the meal.

In fact, it was Loki's job to ensure all of his guests were fully stuffed with potatoes, as he and his brothers served up the food to the assembly. He graciously stood every time that someone's plate emptied, and brought over the platter to serve them. It was Asgardian tradition for the royal family to serve their guests, common or highborn, during the harvest feast. Though many people saw this as a political play, most of the people in attendance quite enjoyed the chance to talk to the royal family in a personal and relaxed environment.

At least until the children were sent to bed and the strong drink came out. As the skeleton of the Ironhead was hauled back to the kitchen, barrels of mulled, spiced wine and honey-sweetened, dwarven mead were rolled out from the kitchen and tapped by Radwaz. He handed the first mug of mead to Tala, who was still enjoying the limelight as Lord of the Hunt, and the first glass of mulled wine to GLaDOS, in thanks for her rescue of his staff. Afterwards, the staff continuously poured drink and passed it around, and as each barrel was emptied another was always being rolled out to replace it.

"You know what the problem with you mortals is?" Loki slurred a bit too loudly. "SPAAAAAACE!" interjected the Space Core, to which Loki replied, "You build shit like that thing. Space. SPACE for Odin's sake. You could have, I don't know, united the world under one standard or something, but instead you're all split into itty-bitty countries that waste their money producing things like- like THAT."

GLaDOS began to interrupt, but Loki overrode her. "You have no idea how to govern yourselves! What you need, *hic* is a good old-fashioned monarchy. You English lads had it right," he nodded to Wheatley.

"Oh, oh, that's ME he's talking about!" exclaimed Wheatley, happy to be part of the conversation. He was unaware of Link parodying him in the background, but Zelda giggled a bit too loudly and drew Loki's attention their way.

"Oh yeah? What have you to say about it, elf-boy?" asked Loki. Link simply showed him the back of his hand, and for a moment Loki thought the boy was about to flip him off. Instead, three triangles shone in the dim light. Link tapped them with an index finger.

"A theocracy," explained Fi. "Each triangle represents the attribute of a patron goddess."

"I rather like where this is going. Except there should be only one triangle. MY triangle. I should be the-"

At that point Thor interrupted by breaking into a loud and bawdy drinking song, but it was hard to hear exactly what the words were with Loki shouting in the background.

Thor threw an arm over Loki's shoulder and shouted, "Sing with me brother!"

Loki was about to continue his rant, but the boisterous singing beside him derailed his train of thought. With a grin, and another quaff of mulled wine, he picked up the tune with Thor. They were surprisingly good singers-both baritone voices rang out with crystal clarity, and the raunchy song echoed through the vaulted hall. Many of the other feasters cheered as the brothers climbed onto the table for the final verse. The crowd roared, which was met with a, despite all belief, raunchier ballad by the princes.

As the brother's launched into their new song, Stark-already three sheets to the wind- sidled up to GLaDOS and her entourage. "So, ladies, how are you enjoying this fine party?"

There were murmurs of approval, and a hiccup from Yuffie. GLaDOS, with her inhibition protocols lowered, let all of her snark rise to the task of answering, "And why would you care about how we are enjoying the party? You don't even care about real science, also you appear to have put on more than a few pounds since your arrival. I don't think your armor will even fit now.". Behind Stark, Thor and Loki finished their song and began to mingle again.

Stark ignored GLaDOS' insults and looked over at the other women. "So, any of you lovely ladies have plans for the after party?"

Before the women could answer, Thor was leaning into Stark's shoulder. He attempted to whisper, but in his intoxicated state, the whisper became an overly dramatised roar. "Stark, do not try to ply your charms with them, they are as Valkyries: beautiful, but they only have eyes for women."

"What a quaint comparison, Thor, did you read it in a picture book?" GLaDOS sneered.

Stark held his hands up defensively, "I was only trying to be sociable- but if these fine ladies would like to invite me to their after party, I would only be there as... an impartial observer, doing scientific observations." GLaDOS raised an eyebrow at the mention of science.

"You are an insatiable dog, my friend." Thor slapped him on the shoulder.

Elsewhere in the hall, another glass of mead was pushed into Tala's hand as she told a story of one of her hunts. As she drained the mug-to soothe her parched tongue, of course- Loki wandered over with two glasses of mulled wine. Tala took one graciously, and set her empty mug on the nearest tray.

"Now, where was I?" she asked her audience after an appreciative sip of wine.

Banner spoke up, still nursing his first mug of mead. "You had just gotten to the village that made the petition."

"Right. I arrived at the village to find it in ruins, a special kind of ruin... not just ruined by age or a disaster...but by some malign intelligence. There is really only one class of monster that could do that-" She paused to sneeze- "'scuse me. They're called Div. From the petition I had a good idea what variety of Div was responsible, but I hate fighting Div..." Tala rambled for a while, with Loki handing her a new drink as soon as her previous was finished. Eventually she snatched up a mostly intact baguette from the table and waved it before her like a long sword- and then proceeded to fall backwards, drunkenly, and into Loki's waiting arms. "You *hiccup* planned this, you sneaky bastard. You got me drunk!"

Loki shook his head, trying to keep his face neutral and his words sincere. "No, love, I'm trying to make sure that you are alright-you got yourself drunk, not I. Perhaps I should make sure you make it safely to bed?"

Tala pushed herself away from Loki and shook her head, waving the baguette in front of her. "No, I have to finish the telling, love. But, once I'm done, you can take me wherever you'd like." There was a roar of laughter from one of the Warriors Three, followed by a rude comment about Loki. Tala swung the bread in the direction of the comment-only to knock Link's hat from his head.

Link, who had been itching for a contest with this warrior from the moment she started her tale, seized the opportunity- as well as his hat and a baguette- to spar one on one. He raised it into the air and beckoned with his other hand in an unmistakable "Come at me, bro," gesture.

Tala was not one to back down from a challenge. She raised her baguette and the two swordsmen came together in a shower of crumbs, shouting with delight.

Most of the crumbs landed on an unfortunate Minion, covering her dress, skin and hair. "Oh dear," said GLaDOS in mock sympathy. "We'll simply have to clean you up." Minion was too far gone to understand the innuendo and tried to head for the baths, only to be yanked back down into the AI's lap. "It looks like some of them went down the front of your dress," continued GLaDOS. "Perhaps we should take it off and shake them out?" Lucca, determined not to be left out of the action, proceeded to unzip Minion's dress from behind, much to Stark's delight. Yuffie sidled up to Stark, tossed him a camera, and told him, "Take some pictures. They'll last longer."

Minion was mortified the next morning when she woke up with a spectacular hangover to find prints of those pictures taped to GLaDOS's chassis. She had thought she would be safe perched up here, but apparently nothing was sacred to the Great Ninja Yuffie. She squinted at the one hanging nearest her nose. GLaDOS was licking crumbs off her chest and Lucca...What was she doing with her head up her skirt? Realization kicked in. Oh.

More realization hit her as she struggled to move, only to find herself squished between not one, but TWO warm female scientists. She finally managed to roll onto her back, only to find Yuffie dangling from the uppermost part of the chassis. With a grin, she took a bunch of mistletoe and hung it over the group. "Have fun with that," she said. "I'll be waiting here, with my camera."


End file.
